Is it worth it?
My soul wounded,
Heart broken,
Torn by the sound
Of child's silent cry?
Yes. This is why:
The enemy's crushed
Under your foot,
Victory's won,
The hard part is done.
So, does it matter?
Yes. This is why:
Because Christ desires
To not be alone,
He asks His beloved
Come share in His pain.
Do I have enough strength
To do this for You?
To bear up this cross,
To feel all this pain?
Yes. This is why:
I cannot rely
Upon my own strength.
So capture my heart,
Let me feel what You feel.
I give you my life,
It's all yours, O Lord.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Because my brain is contesting work
I really don't like calling people. I have to be honest, I used to be phonophobic, and a part of that still lives in me. I know, it's just a phone. But somehow it's the scariest thing on the planet when I need to call someone whom I haven't talked to in a long time. Sometimes I think that we should go back to the days when letters were the only way of communication, aside from face-to-face. Why am I ranting about this? Well, I'm doing a summer training school through City Central called Catalyst. I know it's what God wants me to do, and I know He'll provide for me. But it's a scary leap of faith, because I need to raise over $3,000 for the school and for our trip to South Africa. I wrote support letters, but I took Adam's advice to say that I would contact each individual within 7 days. That means I'm going to have to call some people. Can contact mean e-mail? I mean, people should take into consideration my condition as a phonophobic. Just pray for me, I'm too afraid to call you!
All that being said, I'm looking forward to summer. It's going to be good. :)
All that being said, I'm looking forward to summer. It's going to be good. :)
Monday, May 4, 2009
Update on my uncle and aunt
Here is the latest e-mail I got from my uncle:
Randy MacInnes
May 2, 2009
A week ago I found out that I have leukemia. This came so sudden, even the doctors were shocked. The doctors had been taking frequent blood tests and bone marrow biopsies. This should have given us enough warning to prevent leukemia and have the bone marrow transplant I needed to save my life. We lost the battle. What this means is my treatment is going to be much longer, much harsher, and much more dangerous. Yet JESUS is with us EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. We may not understand why this is happening, but we know that Jesus loves us and wants the best for us.
I brought a plaque to the hospital that has the scriptures: “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you…” I keep reading this plaque, especially during the hard times.
The last seven days have been extremely hard. They are giving me chemo to kill off all my immune system. Today should be the last of the chemo. Then for the next 3-4 weeks, while still in the hospital, they will be watching me for infections and reactions. I am already going stir crazy, and I have months more of hospital stays to look forward to’
One of the biggest dangers of the chemo they are giving me is that I have had too much of it for a life time. A person is only supposed to get 400 units in a life time. Any more than that could cause heart failure. And if I have heart failure, I CAN NOT have the bone marrow transplant. I would then die of the cancer, in a very short time. So please pray that my heart stays strong and healthy. They did a heart test before the chemo and my heart looked very strong, praise God.
Please keep me in your prayers. This treatment has been extremely harsh and very hard to deal with at times. The other night Penny told me that I was doing crazy things. She was so worried that she stayed the whole night and didn’t go to work the next day. Penny has been a wonderful wife, a pure delight to have around and she has sacrificed so much to help me. God gave me the best 33 years ago.
I better go as Penny is staying the night again and she needs her sleep.
Sorry for not emailing before now. I’ve been so sick I couldn’t do hardly anything, plus or laptop was in for repairs. It finally came back today in worse shape than before. We are not happy with Best Buy.
God bless, and thank you for the cards, calls and visits. They help a lot.
Randy & Penny MacInnes
Randy MacInnes
May 2, 2009
A week ago I found out that I have leukemia. This came so sudden, even the doctors were shocked. The doctors had been taking frequent blood tests and bone marrow biopsies. This should have given us enough warning to prevent leukemia and have the bone marrow transplant I needed to save my life. We lost the battle. What this means is my treatment is going to be much longer, much harsher, and much more dangerous. Yet JESUS is with us EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. We may not understand why this is happening, but we know that Jesus loves us and wants the best for us.
I brought a plaque to the hospital that has the scriptures: “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you…” I keep reading this plaque, especially during the hard times.
The last seven days have been extremely hard. They are giving me chemo to kill off all my immune system. Today should be the last of the chemo. Then for the next 3-4 weeks, while still in the hospital, they will be watching me for infections and reactions. I am already going stir crazy, and I have months more of hospital stays to look forward to’
One of the biggest dangers of the chemo they are giving me is that I have had too much of it for a life time. A person is only supposed to get 400 units in a life time. Any more than that could cause heart failure. And if I have heart failure, I CAN NOT have the bone marrow transplant. I would then die of the cancer, in a very short time. So please pray that my heart stays strong and healthy. They did a heart test before the chemo and my heart looked very strong, praise God.
Please keep me in your prayers. This treatment has been extremely harsh and very hard to deal with at times. The other night Penny told me that I was doing crazy things. She was so worried that she stayed the whole night and didn’t go to work the next day. Penny has been a wonderful wife, a pure delight to have around and she has sacrificed so much to help me. God gave me the best 33 years ago.
I better go as Penny is staying the night again and she needs her sleep.
Sorry for not emailing before now. I’ve been so sick I couldn’t do hardly anything, plus or laptop was in for repairs. It finally came back today in worse shape than before. We are not happy with Best Buy.
God bless, and thank you for the cards, calls and visits. They help a lot.
Randy & Penny MacInnes
Friday, April 24, 2009
Emergency Prayer Request
Hi, everyone. If you haven't read my Facebook notes or my Myspace blog over the past couple of years or so, my Uncle Randy and Aunt Penny in Colorado have gone through some major, serious battles recently. My uncle was supposed to get a bone marrow transplant, but there were complications with politics and hospitals, but they had finally agreed to let him get it. Now, however, before the procedure has been even scheduled, he got some bad news. I just got this e-mail from them today, so I'm copying and pasting it in order that you may all pray for them.
For the last couple of weeks I (Randy) have been very sick. I have also been very weak and my oxygen level has been extremely low (in the 70’s and 80’s). Today (Thursday) I had two doctor’s appointments. The first one was with my primary doctor for a physical. When I saw her, she was very concerned about my low oxygen level. She ordered a CT scan ASAP. She was very worried that something was going very wrong and she wanted to try to find out what it was.
Then later today I had an appointment with my transplant doctor in Denver. During the exam he was also very worried about my oxygen level, along with other symptoms I was having. So he ordered some addition blood test. We then left the office to drive back to Colorado Springs. By the time we got home, there was a call from our transplant doctor telling us to call my cancer doctor right away, and if he wasn’t in, to page him.
My cancer doctor told me that my blood work came back with drastic reductions in my platelets, among with other areas. He told me that they think I have developed leukemia and I need to have another bone marrow biopsy done right away. He is making the arrangements now and wants me in the hospital tomorrow. He then said that I will need to have chemotherapy and then the bone marrow transplant ASAP.
This was a total shock to us. We knew that we were walking a tight rope and could at any time fall off of it, yet we didn’t expect it to happen so fast.
So please keep us in prayer. God is very good and I know He is with us every step of the way.
Love,
Randy & Penny
For the last couple of weeks I (Randy) have been very sick. I have also been very weak and my oxygen level has been extremely low (in the 70’s and 80’s). Today (Thursday) I had two doctor’s appointments. The first one was with my primary doctor for a physical. When I saw her, she was very concerned about my low oxygen level. She ordered a CT scan ASAP. She was very worried that something was going very wrong and she wanted to try to find out what it was.
Then later today I had an appointment with my transplant doctor in Denver. During the exam he was also very worried about my oxygen level, along with other symptoms I was having. So he ordered some addition blood test. We then left the office to drive back to Colorado Springs. By the time we got home, there was a call from our transplant doctor telling us to call my cancer doctor right away, and if he wasn’t in, to page him.
My cancer doctor told me that my blood work came back with drastic reductions in my platelets, among with other areas. He told me that they think I have developed leukemia and I need to have another bone marrow biopsy done right away. He is making the arrangements now and wants me in the hospital tomorrow. He then said that I will need to have chemotherapy and then the bone marrow transplant ASAP.
This was a total shock to us. We knew that we were walking a tight rope and could at any time fall off of it, yet we didn’t expect it to happen so fast.
So please keep us in prayer. God is very good and I know He is with us every step of the way.
Love,
Randy & Penny
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
News!
I'm going to London! It's official, I was accepted to the ILACA study away program for London, spring 2010. More details to come.
Also, I'm doing the Catalyst summer training school through my church. (here's the link if you're really that interested in what I'm doing, if you're not then just keep reading my blog: http://citycentral.org/catalyst/) It's a full-time school where I'll be learning about God, freedom, and outreach while doing a lot of stuff and spending a lot of time in a prayer room. We're going on a mission trip to South Africa for the last couple of weeks! I never thought I'd go to Africa . . .
Well, with all of this going on, I'm going to need to raise money. I most likely won't be able to get a job this summer due to how intensive the school is, so I'll be doing fundraising for Catalyst and then work (a lot!) for London this fall. Pray for me that God will supply all I need, as I know He will. Pray that God will continue to help me trust Him in all of these adventures, scary as they are. The mountains are exciting and great, but also very frightening!
Also, I'm doing the Catalyst summer training school through my church. (here's the link if you're really that interested in what I'm doing, if you're not then just keep reading my blog: http://citycentral.org/catalyst/) It's a full-time school where I'll be learning about God, freedom, and outreach while doing a lot of stuff and spending a lot of time in a prayer room. We're going on a mission trip to South Africa for the last couple of weeks! I never thought I'd go to Africa . . .
Well, with all of this going on, I'm going to need to raise money. I most likely won't be able to get a job this summer due to how intensive the school is, so I'll be doing fundraising for Catalyst and then work (a lot!) for London this fall. Pray for me that God will supply all I need, as I know He will. Pray that God will continue to help me trust Him in all of these adventures, scary as they are. The mountains are exciting and great, but also very frightening!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Losing Control
Psalm 13
How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
Do you ever have a week which feels like a week before noon on Tuesday? It's been one of those weeks. I feel like a lot is being thrown at me all at once, a lot has been going on around me, and I'm struggling with not adding the stress of what's being thrown at a lot of people I love.
Yet, God is good. He's shown me ridiculous grace with an extra week for a major project. He gifted me with a sunrise from the tallest building in Parkland this morning. He's given me fantastic friends. He provided a way for me go to a university where my professors care about me. I'm not in control, and that's a good thing, no matter how I feel.
Out of My Hands- The Turning
All my restless heart could do is cry
I stepped on out into the night
The tides turned again and nothing felt right
I searched for truth I sought your light
and all my restless heart could do is cry
Chorus:
Everything I held is out of my hands
Everything you bless is not what I’d planned
Not what I’d seen, not what I’d dreamed
My hearts hope will rise and fall with the wind
A gentle breeze will blow me over again
I’m walking unstable
And all the things I held
Were dragging my heart so far down
And the things I’d dreamed were nothing, Nothing as they’d seemed
And then I question you
And doubt you as the God I know
But all over again, you saved me from myself
It’s out of my soul, it’s out of my soul
You saved me from myself, You saved me from myself
How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
Do you ever have a week which feels like a week before noon on Tuesday? It's been one of those weeks. I feel like a lot is being thrown at me all at once, a lot has been going on around me, and I'm struggling with not adding the stress of what's being thrown at a lot of people I love.
Yet, God is good. He's shown me ridiculous grace with an extra week for a major project. He gifted me with a sunrise from the tallest building in Parkland this morning. He's given me fantastic friends. He provided a way for me go to a university where my professors care about me. I'm not in control, and that's a good thing, no matter how I feel.
Out of My Hands- The Turning
All my restless heart could do is cry
I stepped on out into the night
The tides turned again and nothing felt right
I searched for truth I sought your light
and all my restless heart could do is cry
Chorus:
Everything I held is out of my hands
Everything you bless is not what I’d planned
Not what I’d seen, not what I’d dreamed
My hearts hope will rise and fall with the wind
A gentle breeze will blow me over again
I’m walking unstable
And all the things I held
Were dragging my heart so far down
And the things I’d dreamed were nothing, Nothing as they’d seemed
And then I question you
And doubt you as the God I know
But all over again, you saved me from myself
It’s out of my soul, it’s out of my soul
You saved me from myself, You saved me from myself
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Cake, Mickey Mouse, and a Baby Parrot
I feel like I haven't posted a blog in a long time, so I'll write a little before I actually go to what I'm technically being paid to do right now- work.
California was an amazing week, I am so thankful that I got the chance to go for spring break. I have to admit, it wasn't easy. God pointed out to both me and Jason that we have a very strong religious spirit that needs to come out; that is, we are oftentimes stuck with the attitude that we can earn God's grace, and we do a pretty good job of that (we can't do anything to earn God's grace, just to make it clear). It was a challenging week, with a lot of prayer and a lot of frustration. Here's a list of highlights:
*We had amazing homemade layered carrot cake/cheesecake made by Jason's mom's friend. It was glorious.
*Jason's mom made us Easter baskets! We woke up Sunday morning to a pink-themed Easter basket outside my door and a blue-themed Easter basket outside Jason's door. There's a picture on Jason's facebook of us looking super excited with them (sometime when I'm on his computer maybe I'll actually upload pictures on this blog).
*Jason's parents took us to Disneyland! It was my first time, of course, so it was especially fun for me. I think out of all of us, though, Jason's mom seemed to be the most thrilled. She had a huge smile on her face, up until she went with me on Space Mountain that night and got sick. Other than that, the day was wonderful.
*Jason, Jim, and I spent many hours playing Crystal Chronicles, an old Gamecube multi-player semi-rpg. I probably described that terribly. It was a very, very entertaining game, but we need to finish it still. Yes, I spent hours being entertained by a video game. I have a gamer inside of me, she just feels guilty coming out and so most of the time is squelched.
*Jason, Jim, and I went to an In-N-Out. It was my first time. Very, very good.
*Jason, Jim and I (see a trend here?) went to the Getty, a huge, beautiful museum where I got to see very old illuminated manuscripts which I could actually translate part of. I also saw one of the 8 portraits of Edgar Allan Poe in existence. 'Twas fun.
*Jason, Jim, and I went bowling. None of us scored about 100. We then went to Borders and spent almost an hour debating what's considered a "trash" book and drooling over books that we want to read.
*Jason, Jim, and I went to Big Bear to snowboard. Long story involving pain and hatred. I will not go into it here.
*Jason and I visited his friend Allie and her baby Australian parrot. The bird loved Jason. He looked like a pirate (Jason, not the bird). We also played Trivial Pursuit. I think I was winning when we had to leave.
*Jason's mom, Jason, Jim, and I went mini golfing. I'm not so good at mini golfing. I do think I got the slightest bit of a tan from it, though. We all went to the arcade afterward and earned enough tickets for a big die and a green and orange ring made out of like rope. After shooting the ring at each other and realizing that it didn't fit any of Jim's or Jason's fingers, Jason gave me the ring. I'm wearing it now. :)
Okay, so that's probably enough highlights. It was a good trip, and I'm looking forward to going back. I never got a real Becca massage (she does this for a living), and we need to finish Crystal Chronicles, and I need to go to Knotts Berry Farm and the San Diego Zoo. Another trip is necessary.
California was an amazing week, I am so thankful that I got the chance to go for spring break. I have to admit, it wasn't easy. God pointed out to both me and Jason that we have a very strong religious spirit that needs to come out; that is, we are oftentimes stuck with the attitude that we can earn God's grace, and we do a pretty good job of that (we can't do anything to earn God's grace, just to make it clear). It was a challenging week, with a lot of prayer and a lot of frustration. Here's a list of highlights:
*We had amazing homemade layered carrot cake/cheesecake made by Jason's mom's friend. It was glorious.
*Jason's mom made us Easter baskets! We woke up Sunday morning to a pink-themed Easter basket outside my door and a blue-themed Easter basket outside Jason's door. There's a picture on Jason's facebook of us looking super excited with them (sometime when I'm on his computer maybe I'll actually upload pictures on this blog).
*Jason's parents took us to Disneyland! It was my first time, of course, so it was especially fun for me. I think out of all of us, though, Jason's mom seemed to be the most thrilled. She had a huge smile on her face, up until she went with me on Space Mountain that night and got sick. Other than that, the day was wonderful.
*Jason, Jim, and I spent many hours playing Crystal Chronicles, an old Gamecube multi-player semi-rpg. I probably described that terribly. It was a very, very entertaining game, but we need to finish it still. Yes, I spent hours being entertained by a video game. I have a gamer inside of me, she just feels guilty coming out and so most of the time is squelched.
*Jason, Jim, and I went to an In-N-Out. It was my first time. Very, very good.
*Jason, Jim and I (see a trend here?) went to the Getty, a huge, beautiful museum where I got to see very old illuminated manuscripts which I could actually translate part of. I also saw one of the 8 portraits of Edgar Allan Poe in existence. 'Twas fun.
*Jason, Jim, and I went bowling. None of us scored about 100. We then went to Borders and spent almost an hour debating what's considered a "trash" book and drooling over books that we want to read.
*Jason, Jim, and I went to Big Bear to snowboard. Long story involving pain and hatred. I will not go into it here.
*Jason and I visited his friend Allie and her baby Australian parrot. The bird loved Jason. He looked like a pirate (Jason, not the bird). We also played Trivial Pursuit. I think I was winning when we had to leave.
*Jason's mom, Jason, Jim, and I went mini golfing. I'm not so good at mini golfing. I do think I got the slightest bit of a tan from it, though. We all went to the arcade afterward and earned enough tickets for a big die and a green and orange ring made out of like rope. After shooting the ring at each other and realizing that it didn't fit any of Jim's or Jason's fingers, Jason gave me the ring. I'm wearing it now. :)
Okay, so that's probably enough highlights. It was a good trip, and I'm looking forward to going back. I never got a real Becca massage (she does this for a living), and we need to finish Crystal Chronicles, and I need to go to Knotts Berry Farm and the San Diego Zoo. Another trip is necessary.
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